I do not necessarily have the best writing skills in the world, but I do have a lot to vent on the matter, and I have been spending a lot of time lately reading JennySays's Toolbag Tuesdays.. which effectively is one part of her hilarious blog in which she details her friend's mishap boyfriends and flings, past and present, and all the ways in which each and every one of the males she details in her blog was a royal toolbag.
What can I say? She's inspired me.
In twenty years time I can look at back this page i'm writing and remember all of the very very real and idiotic things that happened in my past and laugh aloud.
And so, without further ado, we start with a boy who i'm going to call Rob. Rob is a very new friend of mine, a few years younger than me, 15, at a time in his life where everything is confusing, he's just started drinking and smoking and falling in love with girls etc. But what is so important about Rob is to note that he's going through these changes in his life like any other boy would, despite being in a catholic boys school and taking an interest in drama he's fairly secure with his sexuality- which is a very good thing really considering how often he gets hit on.
Apparently a nickname of his in school was 'Rapeable Rob'... which as you can imagine was terrifying for him.
In an all-boys catholic school.
In fact, the same boy who gave him the label confessed to him a year later that he was gay, that he had had certain feelings for him for a while and asked him ever so innocently; 'What was it like for you when you came out Rob?'
Yes, Rob was very much used to homosexuality, he was friends with gay men, he was mistaken for a gay man, gaydom was something he was very familiar with without ever dipping his fingers into it.
What he wasn't so prepared for was what growing up and the question of sexuality had done to some of his friends.
Rob told me when I had first met him that he had gone through 'the emo stage' in the year 2008, which if any of you remember... was the year for stereotypes. If you weren't scene, you were emo, if you weren't emo you were chav, if you weren't chav you were a scene kid and so on, and so forth.
And if you were any of these which, let's be honest, we all thought we were, you were probably under the impression that you were bisexual. Or pansexual.
Just because it was a thing really.
Now, Rob has a best friend called ... Louis, and Louis was emo with him, and Louis wore the red plaid skinny jeans, had the black and blonde hair, the eight million belts and the drop dead t-shirts. Oh, and the eye-liner. Of course, Louis being a rich, well brought up, well loved emo douchebag he had to cut himself, hate his life and have some sort of a sexuality crisis. The thing is, is that most of us leave behind that douchebaggery in 2008. I burned the evidence, there are no photographs of me during that period left.
But Louis, according to Rob, kept it all.
A little extra background just quickly, Louis's parents are amazing. They sent him to private school, got him an indoor pool and run a personal parental taxi-service all over the country, just for their little darling dudders.
Now on with the story:
Last week, Rob got a skype call(!) from Louis, and almost immediately, he knew something was wrong... because Louis's eyeliner was smudged.
"What is it Louis?" He asked, concerned, "Louis, are you crying?"
Louis gasped for air dramatically, "Rob, Rob I t-trust you..." He began shakily, not meeting the webcam's eye as he spoke.
"Louis, of course you do, you can trust me- what's wrong?" Asked Rob, suprised. Although Louis was so two thousand and late, 'bisexual', and an emo douchebag, he had never seen Louis this emotional.
"How? HOW?!?" Louis screamed openly, obsidian tears screaming down his face, "How will I tell my parents!?" He slammed his head onto his work desk in self-hatred.
Rob got his most calming tone he had on, and worked his magic.
"Louis? Louis. Louis, tell me what it is, we'll be best friends (Louis always liked the assurance) no matter what, I promise."
It went quiet for a few moments. The sniveling died down, Louis sat up in his chair, wiped his face, and stared into the lens of the webcam with as much a brave face as he could muster.
Rob held his breath.
"Rob..." He began, falteringly.
"Come on Lewis..." Rob assured, Louis gathered his balls again, and tried once more.
"Rob... I am trans."
... "What?" Said Rob, completely taken by surprise, he was expecting to hear gay, not... trans?
Louis... trans?!
"Trans what? Transexual?" Said Rob, hiding a smile with difficulty as Louis once again began sobbing.
"No!" Said Louis indignantly, perhaps annoyed that Rob wasn't reacting with as much... something as he'd hoped. "Transgender Rob! I'm a woman trapped in a man's body!"
That did it, Rob was off.
He muted his mic and ducked his head, crying with laughter.
Louis was very much a man. He may act like he has a pussy half the time, but Louis was a boy inside and out and no mistaking, he was also being a total bellend inside and out.
When he calmed down he unmuted and sat up again, and put all those drama classes to good use.
" Louis, you must speak with your parents, they need to know who you really are inside."
Louis nodded frantically.
"You're SO right Rob, you are SO right. This is a huge turning point in my life, will you be there with me?"
Rob couldn't think of a scenario he'd love to be involved in more.
"Louis, of course man-woman, pal." He responded clumsily.
After that Louis enthused with Rob about the hormones he'd have to look at tomorrow online and the type of surgery he'd be looking at in the near future. He looked forward to buying skirts and makeup and getting to know this inner self he'd repressed all these years. They said goodnight and logged off.
As it turned out Louis didn't speak with his parents face to face but rather wrote them a letter, in which he detailed his true self within.
A letter, it should be mentioned, that his parents took one look at before sitting Louis down and explaining that he was just confused, his hormones were perhaps going crazy and that he may just be having a temporary identity crisis, and therefore it would be unwise to rush straight into having the estrogen and the surgery.
The next night Louis explained all this to Rob, and that he was sure he was just having an emotional moment the evening before, and asked him to never tell anyone about the day he was a woman for a few hours.
Whether or not Rob did tell...I'll leave to your imagination.
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