The Story of £20

This story is a legacy.
THIS STORY is unique.
This story right here, has been told to nearly every single person I've ever wanted to make laugh in my whole entire life- it is that story.
Now I will stop misusing the bold, and get on with it.

I have this friend, his name is .. let's call him Jeremy.
Jeremy is a guy I met in my first year of college and is notoriously known for being a man-slut.
In his first year of university he went back with a 23 year old nurse from a nightclub and ended up getting a taxi home at two in the morning after she professed her ever-aflame love for him-
-Just after they had finished having sex.
Jeremy has dated nearly every female he has ever known, and has been relentlessly fancied by all the others.
Jeremy has a chin-dimple like John Travolta.
Jeremy once dated a girl who was so desperate for his attention, when he went on holiday, she told him she was pregnant so he'd spend the entire trip "thinking of her" (but that's another story for another time).

But this story (sorry about the bold, I know I promised), is the one that everyone remembers more than all the others:
The Story of £20.
So Jeremy has a lot of friends of the female persuasion, and, like I mentioned earlier, he has either dated them before or they fancy the pants of him- £20 (as her nickname now is, you'll find out why) just so happened to be one of these girls.
Although she had always taken it a step further.
Now, although there is not doubt that Jeremy has always enjoyed the female attention, i'm sure hearing of £20 drawing up a spider-diagram in her English textbook on what he brings to her mind... wasn't exactly something that brought a warm smile to his face.
Especially when the main points were Sex, Obsession and Jealousy.
WTH.
Also consider, if you would, that £20 is a huge troll of a girl- she is tall, often described as not having a shape, but as having 'shapes', a face that makes Voldemort look like Emma Watson, and clothes that you'd only really like to see on Megan Fox.
Onwards...
So this one time, Jeremy and £20 went out together as friends, of course.
They went to catch a film and probably a McDonalds, and later Jeremy was just being a gent, and was walking her home when she 'jokingly' asked: "Jeremy, would you ever have sex with me?"
Jeremy then responded, 'jokingly': "Only if you paid me!"
Oh, guess what?So they get to just outside of £20's house and she turns to him with a desperate look in her eye and says, "Jeremy, i'll pay you."
Now...
Now...
Instead of thinking like a normal person, Jeremy is a bit of a freak himself really, and the first thing that came to his mind wasn't, "Oh, I should probably let her down gently, then run as far as I possibly can." Nor was it, "Oh, I should probably just run as far as I possibly can."
Oh no.
Jeremy wasn't doing so well for money that month, and had a drama trip coming up that needed paying for, which would come to a grand total of....................you guessed it................. £20.
According to Jeremy, after all had been said and done, she had tried to offer him more but he didn't want to rip her off.
So ladies and gents, if you want to have sex with my friend Jeremy, it'll be Twenty English Pounds for a quick wank, then an even quicker insertion, which thereafter he shall claim that he has cum and will be on his way.
I've heard it is worth it.

We all have that friend.

So, alike many people in this world- I have heard many a classic tale of moronnery.
I do not necessarily have the best writing skills in the world, but I do have a lot to vent on the matter, and I have been spending a lot of time lately reading JennySays's Toolbag Tuesdays.. which effectively is one part of her hilarious blog in which she details her friend's mishap boyfriends and flings, past and present, and all the ways in which each and every one of the males she details in her blog was a royal toolbag.
What can I say? She's inspired me.
In twenty years time I can look at back this page i'm writing and remember all of the very very real and idiotic things that happened in my past and laugh aloud.
And so, without further ado, we start with a boy who i'm going to call Rob. Rob is a very new friend of mine, a few years younger than me, 15, at a time in his life where everything is confusing, he's just started drinking and smoking and falling in love with girls etc. But what is so important about Rob is to note that he's going through these changes in his life like any other boy would, despite being in a catholic boys school and taking an interest in drama he's fairly secure with his sexuality- which is a very good thing really considering how often he gets hit on.
Apparently a nickname of his in school was 'Rapeable Rob'... which as you can imagine was terrifying for him.
In an all-boys catholic school.
In fact, the same boy who gave him the label confessed to him a year later that he was gay, that he had had certain feelings for him for a while and asked him ever so innocently; 'What was it like for you when you came out Rob?'
Yes, Rob was very much used to homosexuality, he was friends with gay men, he was mistaken for a gay man, gaydom was something he was very familiar with without ever dipping his fingers into it.
What he wasn't so prepared for was what growing up and the question of sexuality had done to some of his friends.
Rob told me when I had first met him that he had gone through 'the emo stage' in the year 2008, which if any of you remember... was the year for stereotypes. If you weren't scene, you were emo, if you weren't emo you were chav, if you weren't chav you were a scene kid and so on, and so forth.
And if you were any of these which, let's be honest, we all thought we were, you were probably under the impression that you were bisexual. Or pansexual.
Just because it was a thing really.
Now, Rob has a best friend called ... Louis, and Louis was emo with him, and Louis wore the red plaid skinny jeans, had the black and blonde hair, the eight million belts and the drop dead t-shirts. Oh, and the eye-liner. Of course, Louis being a rich, well brought up, well loved emo douchebag he had to cut himself, hate his life and have some sort of a sexuality crisis. The thing is, is that most of us leave behind that douchebaggery in 2008. I burned the evidence, there are no photographs of me during that period left.
But Louis, according to Rob, kept it all.
A little extra background just quickly, Louis's parents are amazing. They sent him to private school, got him an indoor pool and run a personal parental taxi-service all over the country, just for their little darling dudders.
Now on with the story:
Last week, Rob got a skype call(!) from Louis, and almost immediately, he knew something was wrong... because Louis's eyeliner was smudged.
"What is it Louis?" He asked, concerned, "Louis, are you crying?"
Louis gasped for air dramatically, "Rob, Rob I t-trust you..." He began shakily, not meeting the webcam's eye as he spoke.
"Louis, of course you do, you can trust me- what's wrong?" Asked Rob, suprised. Although Louis was so two thousand and late, 'bisexual', and an emo douchebag, he had never seen Louis this emotional.
"How? HOW?!?" Louis screamed openly, obsidian tears screaming down his face, "How will I tell my parents!?" He slammed his head onto his work desk in self-hatred.
Rob got his most calming tone he had on, and worked his magic.
"Louis? Louis. Louis, tell me what it is, we'll be best friends (Louis always liked the assurance) no matter what, I promise."
It went quiet for a few moments. The sniveling died down, Louis sat up in his chair, wiped his face, and stared into the lens of the webcam with as much a brave face as he could muster.
Rob held his breath.
"Rob..." He began, falteringly.
"Come on Lewis..." Rob assured, Louis gathered his balls again, and tried once more.
"Rob... I am trans."

... "What?" Said Rob, completely taken by surprise, he was expecting to hear gay, not... trans?
Louis... trans?!
"Trans what? Transexual?" Said Rob, hiding a smile with difficulty as Louis once again began sobbing.
"No!" Said Louis indignantly, perhaps annoyed that Rob wasn't reacting with as much... something as he'd hoped. "Transgender Rob! I'm a woman trapped in a man's body!"

That did it, Rob was off.
He muted his mic and ducked his head, crying with laughter.
Louis was very much a man. He may act like he has a pussy half the time, but Louis was a boy inside and out and no mistaking, he was also being a total bellend inside and out.

When he calmed down he unmuted and sat up again, and put all those drama classes to good use.
" Louis, you must speak with your parents, they need to know who you really are inside."
Louis nodded frantically.
"You're SO right Rob, you are SO right. This is a huge turning point in my life, will you be there with me?"
Rob couldn't think of a scenario he'd love to be involved in more.
"Louis, of course man-woman, pal." He responded clumsily.
After that Louis enthused with Rob about the hormones he'd have to look at tomorrow online and the type of surgery he'd be looking at in the near future. He looked forward to buying skirts and makeup and getting to know this inner self he'd repressed all these years. They said goodnight and logged off.

As it turned out Louis didn't speak with his parents face to face but rather wrote them a letter, in which he detailed his true self within.
A letter, it should be mentioned, that his parents took one look at before sitting Louis down and explaining that he was just confused, his hormones were perhaps going crazy and that he may just be having a temporary identity crisis, and therefore it would be unwise to rush straight into having the estrogen and the surgery.

The next night Louis explained all this to Rob, and that he was sure he was just having an emotional moment the evening before, and asked him to never tell anyone about the day he was a woman for a few hours.
Whether or not Rob did tell...I'll leave to your imagination.